Because of You
by Sandalaris
Summary: Song fic. I'm not really a fan of songfics. But this one just wouldn't get out of my head. It's about how Tom ruined Ginny's life.


You made me feel special, cared for, loved. You made me feel beautiful and worthy. You made me feel wanted and safe, even as you used me, even as you hurt me, you made me feel wonderful. You made me love you. That made me fear you.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
And I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far

You were angry, you were hurt, by everything, everyone, you felt wronged you. You wanted revenge; you wanted to use me for that, to complete what you started. You couldn't forgive, you couldn't let go, so I tried to help you, I tried to change you. I regret that now.

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

"We're all going to Hogsmeade, Ginny. Wanna go?"

I glance quickly at my bag, at the book within, at you. "I can't," I say only a slight tremble in my voice this time. I'm getting better at this. I force a smile, showing them I'm really ok. "I have…other things I need to do." And I did, you wanted me to talk to you when everyone was gone. You needed me.

"Ok, see you tonight." They file out, leaving me behind. Leaving me alone, with you.

_They're gone. _You hate introductions. They're a waste of words you say.

_You're alone?_

_Yes. _I watch the words fade, the ink disappearing into the blank page, into you.

_Do you need me, Ginny? _I sighed, feeling heavy. You always ask me that.

_Of course, Tom. _A fog seemed to fill the room. My mind became sluggish, and I felt the familiar blackness threatening to engulf me.

_Good. Show me how much you need me, Ginny. Show-me how much._

I could almost feel your breath on my skin, almost hear you soft, soothing voice in my ear. The voice of an angel. I nodded, I knew you couldn't see me, but you needed an answer, I needed you to need me to answer. I nodded and let the fog overtake me.

I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I can not cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh  
Everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with

_Please, Tom. _I watch the ink begin to fade. _I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired, Tom. It's too dangerous. Please._

_What's so dangerous, Ginny? I want to talk to you._

_I just can't. Something's not right. Things are happening, things that I fear I may be causing. I can't talk to you anymore, Tom. I'm sorry._

_Don't you need me? _I sighed. I needed him. I needed him to need me. I wanted him to need me.

_Yes, Tom. I need you. _And so I gave into the darkness yet again. 

I watched you die  
I heard you cry  
Every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me

"I'm cold, Tom." My words create little clouds in front of me. The fog was gone, slowly being replaced by a chilly cold. I didn't know where I was, which wasn't new, I usually didn't.

"Shhh, Ginny," you soothed. "It'll all be over soon."

I looked up at you, sitting next to me on the cold stone. Your brown hair fell into your dark eyes. "You need me, Ginny." I nodded slowly, "so I'll let you in on a little secrete. I need you too. I need your soul." He smiled as if sharing a secrete with yourself. You looked at me then, your blue eyes cold, as cold as I felt, and touched my cheek. Blackness blurred my vision, but I could still see you. I watched you argue with someone. I heard you laugh. Then I saw you panic. You looked at me, and I wanted to help, wanted to stop, to hurt whoever it was that made you upset. How dare they hurt you. I needed you. You needed me. How dare they take you from me. And then you died. I was just a child. You needed me too much, you relied on me too much, and it killed you. My heart broke.

You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain  
And I cry in the middle of the night, for the same damn thing

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you I don't know how to love anyone else here  
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

You were evil. I know that now. You never cared for me; you only cared for yourself, your revenge, your pain. You hurt me, Tom. And even now, almost six years later, I still cry for you. Late at night, while I'm in bed, I hear your voice, see your face, watch you die again, and I cry for you. Ron tried to comfort me once, but I yelled at him, making him leave me. I hurt him; I hurt him in fear of you. I hurt him because he reminded me of you, and I hate myself for it. I miss you, despite all you did; despite how much you hurt me. I miss you. I need you.

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me  
But everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid


End file.
